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What if there is a You that has never seen the light of day, has never got to say, "Hey, what about me?"
What if there is a You that you have never even met and certainly never permitted to just be, without fear of judgment or condemnation?
What if you live your life on the sidelines in constant fear of failing to please those who forever seem to stand in judgment of you and your life?
What if you discovered that you had settled for what life has served up instead of what you really wanted and needed?
What if you really think and feel things you have never allowed to come out, and certainly never acted on?
What if your marriage is not at all what you really emotionally want and need, but you silently stay the course anyway, selling out your hope to be happy?
What if you are allowing days to turn into weeks and weeks to turn into months and months to turn into years, all adding up to a lifetime of being what some nameless, faceless world has assigned you to be?
If any of these "What ifs" are true in your life, then we need to talk, and through these pages, we will. First, I have some bad news, and I have some good news. The bad news is you are making the choices that have put you in this life circumstance; the good news is you are making the choices that have put you in this life circumstance. Now is the time to make the biggest choice of your life. Through Self Matters, I will help you do just that.
-- Phil McGraw
- Sales Rank: #66567 in Books
- Brand: Free Press
- Published on: 2003-05-06
- Released on: 2003-05-06
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.44" h x .90" w x 5.50" l, .70 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 336 pages
Features
From Publishers Weekly
The well-known "life strategist" and TV personality Dr. Phil begins this upbeat self-help book by recalling one of the most unpleasant phone calls he ever had to make. In 1989, ten years into a flourishing career, McGraw called his father to say that, despite the outward trappings of success, he was miserable. His new plan was to move away and start a new career and a new life. According to McGraw, many people are currently in a similar situation-trapped in unsatisfying lives or jobs that they loathe. Too many people, says McGraw, are "so busy being busy, that they have let the colors fade from their lives." They're worried about superficial matters rather than what's important: "I'll bet 90-plus percent of them spent months, or even years, planning their wedding and almost no time planning their marriage!" To change their lives, McGraw's readers must first complete two questionnaires he designed to assess their "authentic self" and their "congruency" (how someone's current life compares with a vision of an ideal life). With the scores from these tests, readers can then embark upon a specific plan for changing their lives-and for determining which external and internal forces they will, or won't, allow to control their futures. Readers familiar with McGraw's aggressive TV personality may be surprised by this book's thoughtful and serious tone. McGraw's notion of making change is not a simple one-it requires readers to examine every aspect of their daily lives-and it's likely that some readers may not be able to make all the changes he advocates. But his book offers a thorough, realistic resource for those who are committed to turning their lives around to get what they really want and need.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Review
Sigmund Freud eventually concluded that human life is more to be endured than enjoyed, but that is not the attitude borne on the tide of relentlessly cheerful self-help books. Like others of its ilk, this one urges us to live by design, breaking free of the past events and encounters which shackle us in a perpetual victimhood. 'Dr Phil', who is 'known to millions' thanks to his appearances on the Oprah Winfrey show, counteracts negativity and excuses for failure with folksy anecdotes, stern admonitions and the glowing offer of hope. Habitual consumers of manuals for the reinvention of the self will find nothing original or startling here, though the reader new to the genre may as well commence with this as with anything else, since this volume is entirely typical, though less poetic than some. In the main, the book consists of laborious explanations of the obvious, e.g. someone whose face is burned and scarred 'will tell you that it changes how they feel about their inadequacy. They become far more uncertain about going out into the world. In other words, the same disfigurement they suffer physically has also affected their psyche.' It also includes exercises, usually ones which require the making of lists with such headings as Ten Defining Moments, Seven Critical Choices and Five Pivotal People. The rationale for the specific numbers is not revealed, but it is at these points that the book becomes potentially useful, since reviewing those events, decisions and encounters which have had the most powerful effects upon us is a sensible way of tracing the patterns of our lives. Some readers may question the concept of the 'authentic self' which exists untouched by experience, while others will take it as the definition of the soul. Again, acting on the recognition with inner passion may be viewed as regressive utopian folly, or as an essential stage in continuing self-development, depending on one's persepective. Certainly, according to the book jacket, the techniques he advocates have worked for Dr Phil, who now runs a consultancy specializing in 'high-profile' litigation cases, as well as seminars on life skills. (Kirkus UK) --Kirkus UK
About the Author
Dr. Phil Mcgraw is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Ultimate Weight Solution, Self Matters, Life Strategies, and Relationship Rescue. He is the host of the nationally syndicated, daily one-hour series Dr. Phil. One of the world's foremost experts in the field of human functioning, Dr. McGraw is the cofounder of Courtroom Sciences, Inc., the world's leading litigation consulting firm. Dr. McGraw currently lives in Los Angeles, California, with his wife and two sons.
Most helpful customer reviews
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful.
Helped my mom...
By RS
I purchased this for my mother who, for over 25 years, had lived with physical, emotional, and mental abuse from my stepfather. He was controlling her every move (I mean, looking at store receipts to see when she left and how long it took her to get home). He dictated when she could call us, her children, when she could see us, where she worked and when - which was in HIS business.
He was and still IS NUTS!!! After my mother left him he literally wrote letters to the FBI saying that while my mother lived with him, she tried to poison him (we have the copies). Moron didn't know that the doctors can do a hair follicle test to see if there's any poison in his body. Instead he told the FBI that a doctor told him that there's no evidence of poison in his body because too much time went by. Luckily the FBI did not believe a word of his ramblings.
It took my sister, my husband, and I over 20 years to get her away from him, and we finally succeeded. She's been away from him now for almost 4 years.
Unfortunately now, my mother feels lost, worthless, and unhappy.
My mother defines who she is by accomplishments such as education. I disagree. I know happy people who have never held a job. I know security guards happy with their lives and doctors who are miserable.
My mother has worked her whole life, from the time she was 14. She lives in the past and regrets not "being smart", not going to school, not being ambitious. She's 57. She had me, her first child at 19 and worked her butt off. I don't know, or see, when she would've had the time to do anything else other than work. Not only that, she was born in Eastern Europe; didn't come to the States until she was 34, where, again, she HAD TO work.
I, and most people would think she has accomplished quite a bit, but what do I know, I'm only her daughter.
Now that she is divorced and not working, she believes she is literally nothing. I certainly don't agree.
Anyway... I know... TMI.
I had never been a fan of Dr. Phil. He seemed arrogant; HOWEVER, I have since changed my opinion. I don't agree with him on everything, but I feel he tells it like it is.
I gave my mother this book on CD and I asked her what she thought. She said that it is as if Dr. Phil wrote this book specifically for her. I drives me crazy because what Dr. Phil says in this book, I have been telling my mother for years. I guess it's the messenger and not necessarily the message.
It is a great, tell it how it is, book. If you're willing to find it within yourself to forgive yourself, change and move on, this is a great, informative book.
Well worth every penny
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
A Bit Of This & That
By Sylvia Bastani
Not terribly sure that this book will be everyone's cup of tea. It talks a lot about heeding one's authentic self, heeding the clarion call to permit yourself to be the "real" you, but not terribly specific on how to accomplish this feat--other than making enormous changes--friends, relationships, careers, relocation--that many of us dream about but cannot easily do. While I believe he obviously came out on top professionally, he had a lot of good fortune (I.e., Oprah) to bring him to a place of success. Not everyone tries and wins and I wish there was more to this book about planning to make life changes. One last observation: this book could have withstood more editing.
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Repair Your Broken Self
By Kindle Customer
I've done so much work on myself in the past, trying to find out who I am and my purpose in life. I've read The Purpose Driven Life, Awareness, The Four Agreements, Dianetics, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, The Road Less Traveled, and many other books because I was unhappy with my life. I felt stuck. And I know I'm meant for something other than working at a job I hate. Those books helped me open doors inside, clean the glass off many windows, and shed light on many aspects of my life I hadn't thought of in years.
You'll need a journal to write stuff in for this book. So what the difference between this one and The Self Matters Companion is really unclear; from what I saw the companion book has space for your writing, though I doubt it'll be enough. This book takes some of the concepts from other books and mixes them with personal stories from Dr. Phil, the purpose to spark some memories within yourself to apply to the exercise you will take over the next few days. And you should expect to take quite a bit of time to finish these exercises, being as thorough as possible, as honest as possible; some of the later exercises, especially the 5-step Plan, could take a couple weeks. Don't rush through the book and jot down anything or you'll be wasting your time.
You owe it to yourself to find out what you really want in life, to do the best you can for yourself, to be honest with yourself and others. This book showed me that I had to forgive myself after years of self-abuse, self-hatred, guilt, and shame. I couldn't have done it without the help from this book.
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